Divorce: compilation of references
Vedic society recognizes eight traditional types of marriage - brahma, daiva, arsha, prajapatya, asura, gandharva, rakshasa, paishaca (Manu-samhita 3.20-44) - first four auspicious and second four inauspicious. Marriage in Kali-yuga is mainly by personal selection (gandharva type, SB 9.20.15 p.) and often leads to divorce.
dampatye 'bhirucir hetur
stritve pumstve ca hi ratir
vipratve sutram eva hi
[In Kali-yuga] "Men and women will live together merely because of superficial attraction, and success in business will depend on deceit. Womanliness and manliness will be judged according to one's expertise in sex, and a man will be known as a brahmana just by his wearing a thread." (SB 12.2.3)
However, Vedic society in the words of dharma sastras frankly forbids dvijas to divorce.
"Neither by sale nor by repudiation is a wife released from her husband; such
we know the law to be, which the Lord of creatures (Prajapati) made of old.
"Once is the partition (of the inheritance) made, (once is) a maiden given in marriage, (and) once does (a man) say,' I will give;' each of those three (acts is done) once only." (Manu-samhita 9.46-47)
There are some cases of separation mentioned in sastras though. One reason is when wife leaves her husband.
"10) Paunarbhavaputra. A son born to a woman after becoming a widow - or after being divorced by her husband by her willingly going with another man is called a Paunarbhavaputra." (Puranic Encyclopedia, entry 'Putra')
Such cases show a degraded status and thus Srila Prabhupada said that divorce is fit only for sudras (SB 9.3.21 p., 9.20.15 p.). Status of the modern society with its man-made laws is even lower.
Main reasons for divorce:
- marriage for sense gratification, rajo guna (BG 18.38 p., SB 3.14.19 p.,
3.21.15 p., 7.13.26 p.)
"A father who is a chronic debtor, an adulterous mother, a beautiful wife, and an unlearned son are enemies (in one's own home)." (Canakya Pandita's Niti-sastra 6.11)
- no consultation of astrologer before marriage (SB 3.21.15 p.)
- marriage not according to mutual gunas - daiva/asura (SB 3.24.15 p.), pratiloma/anuloma
(SB 9.18.23 p.)
- woman's weakness (SB 4.4.3 p.)
- husband does not want to become a servant of his wife (SB 4.25.56 p.)
- dissatisfaction of the family members (SB 5.13.8 p.)
- misery of material life (SB 5.14.19 p.)
- envy, cheating and enmity (SB 5.14.37 p.)
- woman is not trained to be submissive to the will of her husband (SB 9.30.10 p.)
Reasons for not divorcing:
- to maintain social order
- to advance in Krishna consciousness (SB 10.20.17 p., etc.)
- after divorce only father (not mother) is delivered by son (SB 9.20.22 p.)
- "If she [a woman] is separated from her husband and dies elsewhere she cannot attain the region of her husband till the day of final deluge [at the end of kalpa]." (Garuda Purana 2.26.52)
"Separation from the wife, disgrace from one's own people, an enemy saved in battle,
service to a wicked king, poverty, and a mismanaged assembly: these six kinds of evils,
if afflicting a person, burn him even without fire." (Canakya Pandita's Niti-sastra 2.14)
Solutions to prevent divorce:
- a compulsory marriage:
"2. There must be compulsory marriage of young boys and girls attaining twenty-four years of age and sixteen years of age respectively. There is no harm in coeducation in the schools and colleges, provided the boys and girls are duly married, and in case there is any intimate connection between a male and female student, they should be married properly without illicit relation. The divorce act is encouraging prostitution, and this should be abolished." (SB 1.17.38 p.)
- willing separation by mutual consent or by the Vedic arrangement at a certain age (SB 5.13.8 p.). This refers to sannyasa.
- education and training in families following Vedic ways and in Vedic varnasrama colleges
Quotes about remarriage after divorce:
On the dharma sastra level (non-Vaishnava), remarriage is allowed in few cases:"If the husband is untraceable, dead, or has renounced the world, is impotent or degraded - in these cases of emergency a woman can remarry." (Garuda Purana 1.107.28)
Srila Prabhupada discouraged it:
"Giving up the association of her husband does not mean, however, that a woman should marry again and thus indulge in prostitution. If a chaste woman unfortunately marries a husband who is fallen, she should live separately from him. Similarly, a husband can separate himself from a woman who is not chaste according to the description of the sastra. The conclusion is that a husband should be a pure Vaisnava and that a woman should be a chaste wife with all the symptoms described in this regard. Then both of them will be happy and make spiritual progress in Krsna consciousness." (SB 7.11.28 p.)
Srila Prabhupada's letter to Rupanuga - Vrindaban 9 September, 1967:
"Anyway, both your wife and yourself cannot think of marrying again; that is
not my advice. Even if your wife decides to marry again, for your part you should
forget it; and if by the Grace of Krishna you can live peacefully without any
wife, completely devoted to K.C., that will be the best part of your life. You
can love and put all your affection to the child, and try to make him fully
Srila Prabhupada's letter to Silavati - New Vrindavan 14 June, 1969:
"Regarding the suggestion that you remarry, I have never suggested such thing,
so you need not trouble yourself with this. As I have told you in Los Angeles,
I wish that the mother's who have no husband at present should not remarry,
but should dedicate their time to seeing that their children are brought up
very nicely in Krishna Consciousness."
Srila Prabhupada's letter to Rupanuga - New Delhi 21 August, 1975:
"Regarding remarriage, no, remarriage should be always discouraged. Remarriage
means encouraging sense gratification. Our mission is to curtail sense gratification.
Three times marrying in a year, this is not good, and they are doing this."
Srila Prabhupada's letter to Jayananda - Vrindaban 1 September, 1975:
"Why should you remarry? Rather you should take sannyasa. Now you are getting
very good training. Why has Jayatirtha suggested you to remarry?"
Srila Prabhupada's letter to Anangamanjari - New York 19 July, 1976:
"It is not advisable to marry again as this may disturb your former husband
who is now engaged in preaching activities. So rather you can come here to New
York where your service will be appreciated and there is very nice association
with so many nice girls."
Srila Prabhupada Siksamrta, section Grhastha Asrama
other dharma sastras
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